Love or Like?

"I know I have to love them . . . but that doesn't mean I have to like them . .."

How often have you heard someone use that phrase? In reference to classmates, coworkers, relatives? How often have you used that phrase? How often have I used that phrase? Thinking about it, I've said that more times than I would like to admit . . .

In preparing for this weekend's Senior Youth LIFE¹ Group this phrase jumped into my head. We are beginning a study on the Fruit of the Spirit, of which the first listed is Love. And reading about love it got me thinking, can you really love someone and not like them? Have we so bifurcated and subdivided the way relate to others that "love" and "like" are completely independent things?

Now I understand that we are not always filled with warm fuzzy feelings toward each other. There are times when my wife does something that I do not enjoy and I get mad at her, but I still love her. There are times when my siblings have done things that I do not like, but I still love them. There are times when it seems appropriate to say "I don't like you but I love you." But I'm really starting to doubt that you can love and not like a person . . . at least as this phrase implies. Because, you see, you never use this phrase towards people you want to love. You never say that about your boyfriend or girlfriend, your grandma or grandpa, your best friends. This assertion that being required to love without being required to like is reserved exclusively for those people we wish to be able to hate.

I must say, this smacks of rebellion. How can we truly be loving if we do not put forth the effort to like? Sure we can say we do not like what a person does, we do not like their attitudes, we do not like how they dress, how they act, how they talk, their other friends, or what have you. But we cannot truly love a person without liking that person. To say that you have to love them but you don't have to like them is trying to get the best of both worlds. You 'love' them, only because God tells you to, but you still have an excuse not to go out of your way for them (because you don't like them and you don't have to). You will split hairs over the expression of that "love" in order to avoid that person at all possible costs. Does that sound like the love that we are called to?

But strive for the greater gifts. 

And I will show you a still more excellent way. 

If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, 

but do not have love, 

I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 

And if I have prophetic powers, 

and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, 

and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, 

but do not have love, I am nothing. 

If I give away all my possessions, 

and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, 

but do not have love, I gain nothing. 

Love is patient

love is kind

love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude

It does not insist on its own way

it is not irritable or resentful

it does not rejoice in wrongdoing

but rejoices in the truth

It bears all things

believes all things

hopes all things

endures all things. 

Love never ends.

1 Corinthians 12:31-13:8

So as you go this day, do not excuse your dislike of others. Express true, Christ-like love. Show them patience and kindness, do not be envious, boastful, nor rude towards those you "love but don't like;" for Christ was never any of these things towards you, and how much more do you deserve not to be liked by God?

1. LIFE Groups is what our church calls "Sunday School" we changed the names to better reflect our purpose for this time, which is to Learn In Fellowship through Experience.

My Purpose

I have been leading an Early Youth (7th-9th grade) discipleship group for a couple of weeks now. We are working our way through the book of John section by section and it has been going great.


One of the reasons for this group is to help these students start owning their faith for themselves. It provides a forum where they can more freely discuss their insights into the Word and questions concerning life, the universe, and everything. Thus far the conversation has been a little rough. It's hard to motivate this age group to take anything serious for more than a couple minutes, but we're making progress. As I allow for tangents, and even contribute to the tangents here and there, we are getting to the point where I would like them to be. They are extremely smart teens and I'm excited to see them continue growing. However, this is not the main reason for this post. I actually want to talk about a revelation I had while studying for this group.

As we contemplated John 1:35-51 I was struck by something I had overlooked. In verses 35 and 36 the goal of the pastoral ministry is given. Now, I know this cannot be a brand new thought, but nonetheless it stood up and smacked me in the face. In this passage John the Baptist points two of his disciple to look at Jesus. These two disciples immediately leave John and follow after Jesus. They leave one master and go to another.

As a youth pastor, and having served in this role in several churches, it's difficult to see one of my students leave my ministry and go elsewhere to find spiritual guidance. I want to be their go-to guy for all things biblical and and their authority for all things Christian. I mean, it feels really good when a student seeks you out with a question and you get to answer and lead them into deeper walks with Christ.

But that's the tear right there: lead them into deeper walks with CHRIST. If I continue to teach students to come to me with the questions and seek me out for answers I am teaching them to seek deeper walks with me, not deeper walks with Christ.

So my job, my purpose, is to lead them toward Christ, to teach them all I can about the Messiah, and than as they see Him to present Him to them so that they may leave me and follow Him.

So that's the what... now to consider the how...

Grace and peace.

Starting Fresh

By means of introduction for anyone stumbling upon this site from the blue: I am Craig. I am a youth pastor, husband, and soon to be father. I am a Christian and have been one since I can remember. I earned a BA in Youth Ministry and am working on earning a Master of Ministry and Master of Divinity. The name of my blog is "Doulos Christou" which is a transliteration of the greek phrase used by the apostle Paul to describe himself, it translates to "Servant of Christ" to webaddress of my blog declares "Khrusso Christou" which is again a transliteration of Greek which would translate to "I Preach of Christ." The goal of my blog is to honor and glorify Christ through reflecting on what is going on in the world through the lens of Scripture. Applying what I learn to what is going on around me.

It has been close to a year since I posted my last blog on my old blog site. I am setting  a goal here to post at least one blog per week. With the amount of study I do between personal devotional times, youth group lesson prep, and the occasional sermon prep I should be able to write more than I do. And once classes start up again I should have a lot to process.

Speaking of Processing:

I've also been thinking about who I am recently. Not some existential "why am I here" kind of who I am, but more of a personality thing. I am extroverted. Now while most people associate extroversion with being out and about with people all the time and very rarely sitting down alone and doing things like "blogs." Blogging is definitely an extroverted activity, and here is why:

Extroverts process information externally (hence: EXTROvert)
I have noticed that when I want to really hash out an idea I need to talk it out with someone. I don't do all that great if all I do is sit and think passively. I need to do something to do something. I have not been faithful to this side of my personality recently and it's definitely shown in my work. By blogging I'm going to be working through the thoughts in my head by writing them down. The whole "flow of consciousness" thing at work.

Because Extroverts process information externally We thrive off of the feedback of the community.
That's why we're energized by being around people, we're bouncing ideas off of those around us, feeding off of their energy, adapting by their responses and having a great time doing it. Being a youth pastor (despite common beliefs and stereotypes) is not the most social of jobs. Of course I hang out with teens a lot. I am out around people a good chunk of the time. However, when it comes to the actual majority of time I am "working" I am alone in my office with maybe the secretary or another pastor down the hall. This does not allow for a lot of instant feedback of any of the ideas running through my head. So a blog will allow for you, my readers, to give me feedback, enter into conversations, and feed energy into my otherwise draining work day.

Grace and Peace